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Parenting Matters
Cary Grant
Cary Grant is a comedic actor for the 1940s and 1950s. Ladies swoon when Mr. Grant takes the screen.

For purposes of this Web site demonstration, Mr. Grant will be fielding parenting questions. These questions are taken from www.rosemond.com - a Linear client where the Q & A feature is available only to subscribers.

Individual Q & A experts can manage submitted questions through a remote interface. Let your advertiser act as an expert on your site - benefits the advertiser and the audience.
Search the Parenting Questions:

Fear of Thunder & Lightening

I hope my question gets answered this go round. Our 7 yr. old daughter is very frightened of thunder and lightening. What if any suggestions do you have in dealing with this? We're constantly consoling and reassuring her evrything is okay and have even explained to her why and how we have thunder and lightening. Nothing has worked. She's still terrified. Thank you for responding.

Melissa H.
September 22, 2005

A. melissa, sorry it's taken me so long to get around to your question. our daughter, amy, was terrified of thunder and lightning at this age. she's a normal, well adjusted expecting mother today. this isn't, in other words, forever. with amy, we just told her to get under a table or something until the storm passed. don't talk to your daughter about it other than to say, "you'll outgrow it. it's okay. no problem. just do what you need to do to feel okay when a storm comes." but don't! under any circumstances, allow her to run around the house screaming or engaging in other dramatics when a storm comes. if she was younger, i'd advise that you hold her until the storm passes. but not this age. she needs to learn to solve this problem on her own.

Cary Grant, July 29, 2012


School Work

I believe my seven year old first grader should be responsible for finishing his class work IN CLASS. His teacher sends home unfinished classwork at least twice a week, because he dawdles and wastes time in class. I asked her why she tolerated that, (in a note) and I have yet to hear her answer. I feel that he should take the consequence of not completeing assignments. What do you think?

Julie C.
September 22, 2005

A. dear julie, i tend to agree with you. however, he needs to finish his work. if i were you, i'd tell him that if he brings home unfinished work one day of the school week, he's restricted one weekend day--no tv, no outside, no friends over, no special activities (including soccer!). if he brings home unfinished work twice in a school week, he's restricted both weekend days. try that and let me know how he responds.

Cary Grant, July 29, 2012


Chores for teenagers

Please comment on the following: my husband's 15 year old son lives with us. I believe my stepson should have a daily set of chores that should be done without constant reminders. When my husband does give him a chore to do it requires constant reminders. I have told my husband that he should expect regular compliance with a schedule of chores but my husband believes children should be assigned chores as needed and that they can't be expected to remember what to do unless reminded by the parent. I have tried making a list of chores for my stepson but my husband rarely backs me on this. I think the problem is with my husband and not the child. We have two children together and I worry about them accepting responsilbility if my husband continues in his way.

Gayle W.
September 22, 2005

A. dear gayle,

sounds to me as if your husband is afraid of losing his son's approval and is unwittingly (!) setting you up as the "heavy." i'd recommend that the two of you read the responsibility chapter in "a family of value." discuss it and try to come to some agreement. in that chapter, there's a chore management plan that will work, if the two of you back it.

Cary Grant, July 11, 2012


5 yo, wets bed

My daughter will be 5 soon. She has never really achieved dryness at night. Some of what I have read says that children who wet the bed usually have small bladders and are deep sleepers. She is a deep sleeper (although wetting the bed usually wakes her up after the fact), and is a small child. I have also read that most of these children outgrow it by the time they are 7. What is your take on that? My daughter has been in and out of pullups at night for a year now. Every time we take them away she wets within a couple of days -- even if she wears no underwear. What would you recommend? (She already helps to change the bed and washes her own clothes, but her Mom gets sick of it after a week or two and buys some more pullups. Does Mom just have to bite the bullet?)

Waren M.
September 22, 2005

A. dear waren,

recommend that her mom read the section on bedwetting in "parent power." pullups at night are a no-no. they will only delay mastery. naked is best.

this must not be, under any circumstances, a topic of conversation. the child has a problem. this is not a willful thing, but she can master if she's given the right support. again,the book.

Cary Grant, July 29, 2012


Older Child Potty Dilemma

Our son potty trained very easily at age 2. At age 3 he developed an intestinal problem, which the doctor said happens to about 2% of young boys. He became constipated (which had never happened to him before) and his intestine became impacted, and stretched out. It was constantly full, and made him feel like he was ready to have a bowel movement all the time, which made it hard for him to know when the time was really coming. Over the course of a couple months (before we knew what the problem was) he stopped having bowel movements on the potty. The doctor put him on a treatment program of Milk of Magnesia for about 2 1/2 months to clean him out and keep his stool soft, so his intestine could shrink down. He's now 3 yrs, 8 months old and the doctor says his intestine is completely back to normal. However, he still is not going on the potty. She advised us to keep him on a low dose of milk of magnesia until he starts going on the potty. He seems totally unconcerned and indifferent to going on the potty. I think going in his pants has become a habit that he is comfortable with.

We have tried just being patient and assuring him that we know he will go on the toilet someday when he decides to, we have tried using a reward system where if he went on the potty and put stickers on a chart he would get to to something he really wanted to do, we have tried an approach of consequences, where if he goes in his pants when we are out somewhere, we immediatley come home. If he goes while he is playing outside, he has to come in, etc. He doesn't like the consequences, but it seems to have no impact on his actions later on. He is usually a very nice, well-mannered little boy, but he is also very stubborn. He says he doesn't like going on the potty, or he was too busy playing, etc. Please help! After 8 months, this is about to drive us crazy!

Monroe, OR
September 22, 2005

A. Given that he's back to normal, here's what i recommend, and it works 90 percent of the time:

1. do not, under any circumstances, hoover over him during the day concerning bowel movements. leave him completely on his own, to recognize and go appropriately. no mention of it!!!

2. when he has an "accident," he goes to the bathroom, where he must wash his own clothes. by the way, he should wear clothing that is "normal" for the age. no training pants. no "little depends." teach him to wash his clothes out in the toilet or a bucket you put in there for that express purpose. then, he has to take a bath. then, he gets in his pj's. then, he spends the rest of the day in his room. but! if his room is not boring, make it so. don't take out all the toys, but most of them, especially the ones he most enjoys.

3. the only reason he can come out of his room is to use the bathroom, eat meals with family, go with you outside the home on errands. if the "accident" happens after 3:00 pm, then he has to spend the next day in his room until he successfully uses the toilet. if he has a bowel movement in the toilet, then he's earned a "parole" until the next "accident."

be firm. don't expect instant results. i just got an email from a mother who did this with her 3 yo. took 2 weeks.

Cary Grant, July 29, 2012

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